Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Why I love Global Warming


Folks, the Global Warming debate continues. Al Gore was quoted on Fox News tonight as saying "Scientists have been warning for two decades that Global Warming can cause severe snow storms". Now wait a minute. I thought scientists had been warning for two decades that global warming would lead to the ice packs (North and South America) would melt leading to rising sea levels. That we would see increased hurricanes, dust bowls, droughts, floods, severe thunder storms, Florida disappearing and hopefully New York disappearing along with Washington DC.  What is happening here? December of 2010 ended up being one of the coldest winters on record. Note that records in this country have only been kept for approximately 100 years or so and most of those years record keeping was doubtful as was the methods of collecting the data. Jan of 2011 proved to be one of the snowiest months on record. The NorthEast and Midwest have been hammered and already many cities have experienced as much snow as they normally see the entire winter. So what is going on?

I'll tell you what is going on. The Global Warming strategy has WORKED. It is successful. All of the steps that we have taken and much credit must go to you guys, has started to take hold. The earth's climate has taken notice and has finally reversed itself. All over the world countries, cities, towns, and villages have put their  best foot forward and have corralled this impending disaster. We no longer have to fear that Polar Bears in Alaska are going to disappear or that penguins in the Arctic will have to live in the ocean with no where to land and have sex and raise babies. The thought of Florida sinking under 10 feet of water is gone. The hope that New York would disappear under a Tsunami is now a long forgotten wish. The belief that if we did nothing DC would become a jungle where the biggest gun survives seems like only a wishful dream.

But I can tell you that if Global Warming is going to raise the temperature in SC by 3 degrees in Jan and Feb then I'm all for it. The hell with this snow and ice, I'm in favor of golf all year long in shorts. But alas, I'm afraid that your efforts have put an end to those dreams. Forgetting what Al Gore believes (if he thinks that severe snow storms and cold weather is going to raise the temperature of the earth then he needs to find out what kind of chemicals they are spraying on his supply of WEED). I'm convinced that Global Freezing is here. Don't believe me? Call anybody in IL, OH, PA, NY, ME, NH and ask them what they think. What I can't understand is why the Global Warming theorists aren't celebrating. They won. They have turned the tide. They have beaten the beast. Against all odds they have defeated mother nature. They have become Mother Nature themselves. I for one am pissed off that they succeeded. I like warm weather. I like playing golf and going to the beach all year long. I was looking forward to getting rid of my winter clothes, throwing away the chains and bags of ice and getting some serious rays.  But what are the Global Warming theorists saying now? They are trying to convince us that Global Warming is causing unprecedented cold weather, snow and ice and if we don't stop Global Warming North America will be covered in ice in the next 3 years. Well, I'm not sure what their trued agenda is but this is what I think we need to do.........

1.) Bring back the stuff we used to put in our air conditioners.
2.) Take the catalytic converters off or our cars.
3.) Get the corn out of gas and put corn back on the table.
4.) Burn your wood stove all day, every day.
5.) Get rid of those stupid curly cue light bulbs (yes the ones that have mercury). Put the incandescents back in and do it right away.
6.) Stop recycling your garbage. Put it all in one big dump.
7.) Put lead back in bullets.
8.) Bring back DDT and spray it on everything you eat.
9.) Get rid of your plastic water bottles and start drinking out of your faucet for God's sake.
10.) Stop recycling your old TV's, cell phones, batteries, radios, computers, and any other electronic device you want to throw away.
11.) Start drilling for oil all over the place. Since we don't have to worry about the damn polar bears anymore let's put a few wells over there in Anwar.
12.) Get rid of your hybrid and or electric car and get yourself a big SUV or pickup truck. Gas mileage will be better anyway since we won't have catalytic converters to rob the engine of power.
13.) Start smoking cigarettes, pipes, cigars, bongs, or whatever else turns you on.  Blow your smoke outside in the cold air.
14.) Take the muffler off of your lawnmower. Burn charcoal grills for every meal.
15.) Throw away the paper grocery bags and use your cloth grocery bags for storing food. Use plastic grocery bags, they last a lot longer. 
16.) Toss the bicycles in the trash heap of history. We need to drive to anywhere we go, even if its just up the street to see a neighbor.
17.) Tear down the windmills and solar panels. We need to fire up those coal fired electricity producing plants and to hell with "clean" coal, we want that good old "dirty" coal smoking up the air.

Let's get with it guys. We don't have much time. Global Freezing is here already and I don't like it. It only took a few years to turn Global Warming into Global Freezing so now we need to UNDO every thing we did. I'm sure we can do it. Just give it the same enthusiastic college effort you gave to ending Global Warming and we will succeed. 

No comments:

Post a Comment